Conflict is part of life. When you experience conflict with another individual, think first about how you can change your own attitudes and behavior.  Even when the other person is objectively in the wrong, work on getting the results you want –instead of focusing on how you have been wronged.

Jackson and Richard are both directors in HR. Richard was hired by their boss on the strength of a previous working relationship. She introduces him to the team as her “star player”. Jackson immediately starts a dialog with Richard, so that they can agree on shared policies. They announce them in a joint meeting with their teams.

Then Jackson learns that Richard instructed his team to violate a policy because it was politically advantageous to him. He even approached several members of Jackson’s team saying that he was “in” with the boss and she would agree with him, not Jackson.  

Jackson is furious. His first instinct is to confront Richard and their boss on this violation. But he realizes that he will never win when the other person plays by his own rules. 

The truth is Jackson is fearful that Richard’s past relationship with the boss will lead to favoritism. He realizes that his attitude may be showing to Richard and the boss, reducing his credibility in a confrontation.

Jackson waits until a staff meeting and when the waived policy comes up, questions whether the policy should be changed.  He points out that inconsistent application of policy can create legal issues.  Since it is not a battle between individuals but a discussion based on policy, the boss agrees with Jackson that the next time, Richard should follow policy.

Just because the other person is wrong, you may not win the battle. Jackson did not change Richard but he did minimize his negative influence. He knew that in the long run, the boss would be more influenced by value added than by old relationships.